A few weeks ago, we spent the weekend with a family my husband knows better than I do. We had a great weekend with them. My daughter was in heaven because one of their children is a little girl the same age. These girls were so cute together! They played "Anna and Elsa" like there was no tomorrow. I wish you could have seen them!!!!
My daughter is super extrovert. She LOVES people. She is extremely animated and lives to reenact Disney movies. She met her match that weekend because our friend's little girl was just as extroverted, just as loving, and just as animated!
There was one time during their play that my daughter came to me and said, "Mommy, am I as pretty as she is?" I have to tell you, in that moment, my heart sank. All these thoughts came rushing into my my mind.... "Have I ever made this comment in her presence?", "Has she read my mind when I question this in myself?", "Have I passed along this terrible insecurity to my daughter?", "God, please don't let this be a struggle in my sweet precious baby girl's heart!"
She really stopped me dead in my tracks with this question. And my heart, literally ached. Of course my immediate response was, "You both are beautiful because Jesus made you both beautiful." She smiled and seemed to accept that answer and went back to playing with her new friend.
But over and over and over again, those words played them self to me again on repeat, "Am I as pretty as she is?" No one had to teach my daughter to ask that question. But where did it come from? Is is just a curse on women? Do we all struggle with this question, whether we admit it or not? Have I exposed her to something in her everyday world that would cause her to ask this question?
Why must this thought enter my baby girl's mind? Really and truly if I am just down right honest, because of the broken state of man. Because of sin. Because we have been shattered. That is why it is there in her mind, in my mind. We wrestle with comparison because our society teaches it to us, shoves it in our face, and serves it up on a silver platter. BUT, we accept it. I accept it and I allow it to captivate my thoughts. I allow it to lessen the relationships with those around me. If I don't take it captive....it will destroy me and jealousy will breed.
It's ugly, I know. But what I know to be even more true is that it is a struggle for us all. In every woman, there is a wrestle "Is she prettier than me?" "Is she smarter than me?" "Does she have it more together than me?" "Is she a better mom than me?" "Is she a better wife than me?" "Is she a better _________ than me?" Whatever it is for you....it is there.
I want my daughter to know, I want myself to know....
God created man/woman in His image and His image is BEAUTIFUL! Don't cheat yourself out of relationships with other women. Satan desires to steal, kill and destroy all that is a gift from your Heavenly Father to you. Friendships with other women are a sweet joy given to you, have several of them. Don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Find the best in other women and tell them to their face what you see as their best! Allow Jesus to fill ALL of you and the question "Is she . . . ." will become less and less in your mind.
I've been thinking a lot these past few weeks about my daughter's question. And, the best way I know how to smother this thought in her mind is to continue to teach her about Jesus, confirm the best qualities I see in her, and lead her in speaking words of encouragement and life into the lives of girls she comes in contact with.
This has to become my practice too because how can I lead her if this is not true for my life as well.
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