31 Days (Day 29) Limited in my prayers

I can definitely say that I believe in the power of prayer.  But, I can also say that there are times I fail to pray.  There are sometimes seasons that I fail to pray.  Our pastor has been leading us through a series called "I Pray".  There are huge chalkboards that line the walk way into and out of our church.  Those chalk boards have allowed people the freedom to fill in the blanks....."I pray when________".  I love scouring the chalk boards and seeing "when" people pray.  

Prayer is something we are teaching our children.  Our daughter even at 2.5 years of age loves to pray to Jesus.  Her words are short but they are full of deep rich meaning to Jesus.  We encourage and lead our children to pray about and for all kinds of things, people, situations......

I fill in my blank "I pray when things are going well".  This is the pattern of what I see in my own personal life.  My deepest prayer conversations happen between me and Jesus when things are going well.  When things seems to be spiraling out of control in my life....ie, the last week, I tend to clam up and trek through and mutter small prayers thoughts along the way.

I love to pray for future things with great hope and expectation that God will be true to His name.  I prayed over my husband through a prayer journal starting at the age of 13.  I gave him that prayer journal on our wedding night 12 years later.  I pray specific scriptures over my children and what I desire for their lives.  I pray over our families future and for what our time on earth will matter.  I love to pray for healing to flow from the hand of the Great Physician.  I love to pray for the Lord to show himself as the Great Provider.

But I fail too many times to pray in the now, in the day to day, in the struggles of my moment.  Maybe it is because I feel like I can handle it.  Maybe it is my pride that gets in the way.  I tend to clam up and push it to the back burner.  It is not the pretty part of me.  I limit myself when I allow myself and my LIMITATIONS to get in the way of God's LIMITLESS revelation of Himself to me through conversation in prayer.  I don't want to miss what He has for me "when thing are not going well".  I want to be poured out and not proud soaking in and seeking all HE longs to reveal of Himself to me.

"Where do you feel like you need God least?  Where are you most proficient, most sufficient?  Maybe that is precisely where God wants you to trust Him to do something beyond your ability.  It is God's strange and mysterious ways that renew our awe, our trust, and our dependence." 

 The Circle Maker  by Mark Batterson

How about you?  

I pray when __________? 

31 Days My Week......LIMITED!

I am sorry that I have been out the last week, but something had to give.  Monday, I took my son for a well child check and ended up with a chest xray, albuterol, and pulmicort nebs for him AND....my daughter with bilateral ear infections and albuterol nebs.

That was JUST MONDAY!

By Thursday the were both running fever.  I came down with a violent stomach bug on Thursday and could hold nothing down.  There was one point I remember telling my husband....I want to die.

Friday I woke to my son grunting and wheezing and retracting after 2 neb treatments.  My daughter had spike a fever.  Back to the doctor to find out....my son has RSV and his difficulty breathing without response to treatment would now send us to the ER.  AND my daughter's ears were worse than Monday and she needed another type of antibiotic.

My son checked out okay in the ER.  Lots of deep suctioning and his sats final came up.  Too bad this mommy nurse does not have wall suction at home.  But I did purchase this nifty and successful tool from Buy Buy Baby, The NoseFrida.  This is the best suction device for at home.  Don't judge! Read for yourself about this and know that it is recommended by the mommy/nurse.

31 Days (Day 21) Limited in my reading

Over the last 20 days I have referred to several books that have helped and continue to help me along my journey.  Reading, by nature, is not one of my favorite past times.  I do not wrap up my day with a good read.  I rarely ever stay up late to finish a book.  I am usually a chapter a day kinda gal when I am reading a book.

My husband, by nature, is a reader.  He is always purchasing books off of Amazon for our iPad or by paperback.  He does keep me in the loop concerning the latest books and many of the books I have read over the last 2 years have been by his recommendation.  

I never want reading a book to take the place of God's word in my daily time spent with Him.  But, I do want to use books to help me glean deeper understanding of Biblical Truths.  I do want to use books to help me learn from people who have gone before me and have successfully accomplished whatever it is I am hoping to accomplish. 

In January of 2010, our pastor challenged us to read through the Bible in a year as a church.  Matt and I began reading through our Bible in conjunction with our church's 12 month guide.  The first four almost five months of the plan, I was pregnant.  The last 7 months of the plan, I had a newborn.  It was a great reading challenge for me.  It was a daily commitment.  It was just me and God's Word.  IT WAS HUGE IN MY LIFE.  

I have known Jesus personally for 25 years of my life.  I have read the majority of the Bible in those 25 years but there were definitely books that I had never read.  I learned to dig deeper into truths I had always known and to ask harder questions concerning what I had always been taught.  

For the large majority of the Bible reading journey I was LIMITED by my own personal circumstances, a new baby and a first time mom.  But, I made a commitment to read through the Bible in a year and that commitment kept staring me in the face everyday, no matter how tired I was or how many times I had been up the night before.  God was LIMITLESS in the truths that He solidified in my heart and mind through that time spent in His Word.

Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives.  Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives.  Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.  Colossians 3:16

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, ²¹ so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land theLord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21

Here are two on-line sources for reading through the Bible in a year.  Good news is, you can start at anytime of the year.  It does not have to be January 1.  I hope you will personally take the challenge.  I promise you will be reminded of how LIMITED you are but how LIMITLESS God is through age old stories and truths that are as real and relevant today as they were 2000 plus years ago.

http://www.biblegateway.com/reading-plans/?plan=1&version=NIV

http://www.oneyearbibleonline.com/readingplan.asp

31 Days (Day 20) Limited in my crafting

 I love to craft and I come by it honestly.  My mom is one of the craftiest people that I know.  The things she is able to put together are simply AMAZING.  Crafting is honestly so good for my soul.  I feel most in my element when I am crafting.   I love the entire process from planning, implementing, doing, and finishing.  

Since having kids, I go on crafting marathons.  I find that I do not have time every day to "craft" or even every week so I usually knock out a few projects once a month by staying up WAY TOO late.  If you have little ones you know that there is NO WAY to craft while they are awake.  OK...maybe there are...but for this mommy...I need "mommy craft" alone time.  It is my outlet.   

Here are a few of my most favorite projects that I have completed in the last 2 years.

Cooper's Birthday Banner

Book Page Wreath

Halloween Mantle

Stripped Curtains as seen at The Nester

Growth Chart as seen at Bless Our Nest

Bow Holder

Rolled Paper flowers as seen at JonesDesignCompany

Hall closet organization as seen at AThoughtfulPlaceBlog

Can you imagine how much fun God had creating the world?  He was not limited by time or space.  He was/is LIMITLESS in His creation of the world!  

31 Days (Day 19) Limited as a working mom

I am a working mom with 2 little bits!  Thankfully my work allows me to work 2, 12 hour shifts per week.  Now by the time I leave and return home for the day, it ends up being a 14-15 hour day away from home.  There are days that I really struggle with being a working mom.  And, there are days that I really love being good at something outside of my home.  It feels like a constant battle that wages within me.

Being a working mom has taught me.....

• Plan ahead. Days/Months ahead.
• Make a list. Check it off. There is no way I can keep up with all of this in my head
• Prepare meals for the nights I work that can be popped in and out of the oven easily
• Do the majority of the work the night before and not the morning of work
• Go to bed!!!!!  There are things that can wait until tomorrow.
• Accept help from others
• Believe others can care for my children just as well as I do and TRUST them to do their job
• My children are well adjusted and time away from me is not always a bad thing
• Don't spend my off days cleaning every moment.....play with my children
• Play dates are just as important for me as they are for my children
• CHOOSE MY FAMILY FIRST, ALWAYS!
• I AM LIMITED.
• HE IS LIMITLESS!!!!!

There is NO WAY that I could have gotten to this point with my children and working without the LIMITLESS GRACE of God.  Work is hard in and of itself but top a newborn, breastfeeding, naptimes, a toddler, 2 dogs, a 35 mile commute to work, a babysitter.....on work and by my own limitations this would be impossible.  BUT GOD, has been LIMITLESS in his abounding love and grace to me during this ride.  I am every day at His mercy begging him to give me the strength to be all I need to be and to know when to be still.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  1 Corinthians 10:31

Hope you are blessed by this song by Steven Curtis Chapman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEqdDdvFXZ0

31 Days (Day 18) Limited in my ability to always get to the heart of the matter

One of my favorite books on parenting is Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman.  It is a mom's look at heart oriented discipline.  Ginger describes her "challenge" for the day, raising her two children in the ways of the Lord, "It is my calling, my priority, my struggle and my goal."  

Don't you just love those four words: CALLING, PRIORITY, STRUGGLE, GOAL?  It encompasses just about every emotion that moms feel on a daily basis concerning the raising of their children.  There are days that CALLING and STRUGGLE meet head to head in our household.  There are days that PRIORITY and GOAL meet.  There are many different combination in which these four words could meet concerning the raising your children. 

Ginger talks openly and unashamedly about Biblical Discipline.  Here are her words, "Biblical discipline involves love, the heart and God's Word.  Because God is concerned with the issue of the heart, biblical discipline involves much more than outward behavior.  Biblical discipline gets to the heart of the problem.  After all, if you can reach the heart, the behavior will take care of itself.  In order for us to reach the hearts of our children we must realize that there is far more to parenting than getting our children to act right.  We have to get them to think right and to be motivated our of a love of virtue rather than a fear of punishment."

Some days I am extremely limited in my ability to reach the heart of the matter in my children's behavior.  Most of the time my limitation is  when I am running on fumes or the day between my two work days, when I feel most crunched for time.  Satan desires that I feel limited and that I fail miserably.  Sometimes discipline of my children just feels like a down right struggle.  Can anyone relate?

Luke 6:45 says, "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."  "The heart is the control center of life.  Behavior is simply what alerts you to your child's need for correction" (Ginger Plowman). 

I know God's desire for me is to feel limitless in my ability to reach the heart of the matter in my children's behavior.  For when I reach the heart of the matter God is honored.  I think honored that I took the time to reach in and direct my child toward ultimate obedience to Christ.  Yes, I want Amelia and Cooper to obey, but my greatest goal is that they would obey as a result of wanting to obey Christ, ultimately.  Now, I realize that this may take years....because after all, I myself do not always have this concept figured out.  And there are times that I fail greatly in my obedience to Christ.  

But, the greatest CALLING, PRIORITY, STRUGGLE and GOAL of my life is to point them to Jesus.  I can not do this alone. I AM LIMITED but GOD is LIMITLESS in His ability to make up for my failures and reach deep into the heart of the matter in my children's lives.  

When we focus on our children's outside behavior and neglect what is on the inside, we will cause our children to become manipulators.  They will learn to please us by jumping through the hoop (by acting the way we tell them to act out of a fear of punishment) but they will not learn the righteousness of Christ." (Ginger Plowman).

Ways this physically comes out (because this is much the way that God physically disciplines me)...

• I have to get down eye level with my child
• Find out what made them act out the way they did (anger, frustration.....)
• I have to talk with them and not at them. Give them a chance to speak (this might take some time)
• I have to discuss with them God's viewpoint on all circumstances
• I have to ask questions that focus them off of the circumstances around them and onto their behavior and action

31 Days (Day 17) Limited By Taste Buds (Big and Small Alike)

Often I feel limited by tastebuds big and small alike.  I am married to a picky eater.  He has come a long way in 8 years and to his credit he is not as bad as some of the people I know.  I have two toddlers whose taste buds are ever changing.  Sometimes they like strawberries for breakfast and hate them for lunch.  AHHHHH!  Sometimes it makes me want to rip my hair out!  Just eat it!!!!

 Meal planning can be stressful to me. Trying to juggle everyone's taste buds is a full time job. Anyone out there know where I am? I like to plan meals for a week and grocery shop only once a week. So when the husband comes home and I have made enchiladas and he makes a funny face and tells me he had mexican for lunch....AHHHHHHHH!

So here are a few things I am working on.....

 Find out what the husband is having for lunch
 Tell him what we are having for dinner so he doesn't eat if for lunch
 Make one meal and let them eat what they will and don't worry about the rest
They eventually will eat
Offer their favorites with their not so favorites
When the husband is out of town or working late make a simple dinner

I would love to hear how you tackle this battle....if you face it at all!

31 Days (Day 16) Limited in my role as a wife

 "Jesus living in you ALONE will allow you to do this job well". 

 These were my last words on Monday night to a group of ladies at a premarital class.  I had the privilege to spend a few hours talking to engaged ladies about Biblical Roles in Marriage, specifically the wife's role.

We talked about our role as a helper or completer (Genesis 2) and we tackled the ever dreaded topic of submission (Ephesians 5:22-23).  If I had to guess I would say that 1/2 to a 1/3 of the ladies in the room may be spiritually unresolved.  Meaning: not sure where they stand with Jesus or spiritual things at all.  But, I have to give them credit....they are attending a multiple week premarital class at our church.  And, I have to believe that God is working in their precious hearts. 

It is hard to teach Biblical Roles of Marriage to a room of women when you have no idea if they really buy into the Bible at all.  The preparation on my part was tremendous.  I really had to shed my coat of knowing my role in Biblical Marriage and jump out into the hearts and minds of women where these concepts of helpmate, completer, and submission are in contradiction to the world they know.

My overall goal was to set these women up for success.  To help them see marriage with eyes wide open.  To leave no rock unturned or surprises concerning God's role for them in a Biblical Marriage.  These ladies were at the top of their game.  During our Q&A time they asked specific questions to the points that I had made.  There were probably 15-20 ladies who asked deeper questions.  I felt like the Holy Spirit was stirring.  

My ending thoughts were something along these lines.......

When Matt and I were getting married I thought, we are set up for success in marriage.  Divorce has not immediately effected our family.  Both of our parents are still married.....So we should be able to be married for a lifetime no problem.   On the flip side of that two of my most precious friends, were not set up in the same way. Divorce was immediate in their families and series of events had blown up their families.  Here is what I know today....the "success" of my marriage to Matt is not dependent on what our parents have done.  We are responsible to God for OUR marriage and our foundation can not be built on what our parents have.  

I think my two most precious friends portray marriages that are dependent on CHRIST alone and HIS GRACE ALONE in spite of their family roads.  My two friends have beautiful stories of Biblical Marriage.  They did not learn it from their parents, they learned their roles through CHRIST alone.  So if you come from blown up families know that you can have a successful Biblical Marriage.  And if you come from families that are still intact, be thankful but know their coat tales are not safe for you to ride.  You must work hard at your OWN marriage. 

My prayer for the room of ladies was and is that each of them would have a God Honoring Biblical Marriage.  That they would know there role as their husbands helpmate and that they would submit to their husband out of obedience and love for Christ.  My prayer is that today's statistics on marriage would not be true for a single one of them and that they would fight for their marriages.       

What a sweet night for me and a blessing to my soul as I reflected on how LIMITED I am in my role as a wife, but through Jesus ALONE I can be LIMITLESS.

31 Days (Day 15) Limited in my ability to rise

We have been singing Hillsong's "Beneath the Waters (I Will Rise)" the last few weeks at our church.  When I sing these words it reminds me yet again of how LIMITED I am yet through Jesus Christ I AM LIMITLESS.  Here are the lyrics and I have attached a link so that you can enjoy the song too!

"Beneath The Waters (I Will Rise)"

This is my revelation
Christ Jesus crucified
Salvation through repentance
At the cross on which He died

Now hear my absolution
Forgiveness for my sin
And I sink beneath the waters
That Christ was buried in

I will rise, I will rise
As Christ was raised to life
Now in Him, now in Him
I live

I stand a new creation
Baptized in blood and fire
No fear of condemnation
By faith I'm justified
I will rise, I will rise
As Christ was raised to life
Now in Him, now in Him
I live

I rise as You are risen
Declare Your rule and reign
My life confess Your Lordship
And glorify Your Name
Your Word it stands eternal
Your Kingdom knows no end
Your praise goes on forever
An on and on again

No power can stand against You
No curse assault Your throne
No one can steal Your glory
For it is Yours alone
I stand to sing Your praises
I stand to testify
For I was dead in my sin

But now I rise, I will rise
As Christ was raised to life
Now in Him, now in Him
I live

I will rise, I will rise
As Christ was raised to life
Now in Him, now in Him
I live

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTwA3NLEjY4&noredirect=1

31 Days (Day 14) Limited in my ability of getting wrapped up in snapshot realities of life.

I love the internet, dont' you?  It allows me to look up all sorts of things: google, maps, instagram, facebook, recipes, crafts, restaurants, coupons, books, research, blogs.....You name it the internet has made our life so much easier.

The internet has also helped people build picture perfect snapshot realities.  And these picture perfect snapshot realities can get me in trouble fast!  People generally ONLY post the beautiful parts of their life on the internet.  (Myself included)  Don't you find this true, for the most part?

I don't know about you but as a woman I can see these snapshots, and although I know they are not true for every moment of the day, somewhere inside I start to believe that they are.  It can lead me to being unsatisfied with my personal life and believing that the grass is greener in someone else's snapshot.  Snapshots are what they are and they are placed along a movie reel called the internet that plays perfectly over and over again.

I am not against the internet, blogs, facebook, instagram, pinterest.....I believe these are great tools.  But I do believe that they can become strong holds in the hearts and minds of women.  I think it would be hard to find a woman who has not wrestled with this issue.  And if she is out there, I want to know her secret!

For me I am learning that as a woman you can not have it all and be it all...I AM LIMITED.  God has bestowed talents upon us all.  But there is no way that I can be perfect in: fitness, cooking, crafting, working, homemade baby food, shopping, decorating, homeschooling, homemade cleaning products, music, sewing, gardening, birthday parties.....  That is way too much pressure for one person.

I believe blogs are a great way for us to celebrate the talents of women!  They are a great way for me to be encouraged and gain ideas.  But, I can not master every blogs talents and thankfully God does not expect me to.   I am learning to view blogs in celebration and not jealousy or coveting.

I truly believe that the majority of women who blog, blog out of passion and excitement for the talents they have been given.  I do not believe that women blog to create jealousy within the hearts of other women.  Jealousy and coveting are issues that are birthed, festered and nurtured within our own hearts and stem out of our own personal issues.

I love blogs and I love creativity and I am in a constant state of reminding myself to celebrate the talents of others.  Here are a few of my own personal favorites.

thenester.com

jonesdesigncompany.com

weelicious.com

athoughtfulplaceblog.com

lindsaybrin.com

incourage.com

angiesmithonline.com

armommy.com

aholyexperience.com

God has given each of us the ability to do certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out when you have faith that God is speaking through you.  If your gift is that of serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, do a good job of teaching.  If your gift is to encourage others, do it! If you have money, share it generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.   Romans 12:6-8


Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10

31 Days (Day 13) Limited in my ability to get it all cleaned up at one time

One of my greatest struggles is I like everything in its place at all times.  I hate clutter and since kids I feel like I live in a constant state of clutter.  Honestly, for most people it would probably not seem like clutter but to me it is a HUGE issue.

Before kids our house was always in perfect order.  It did not take that much energy on my part to keep it that way, but now I have lots of hands that take out and don't put up.  And I have a 50 lb Vizsla and a 70 lb Weimaraner added to the mix.  Somedays it is almost overwhelming to me and I just have to get out!

I can take the clutter and the dirt for so long and then I break.  I can literally feel it creeping up my body until I am about to break.  Matt knows the signs and is usually great to pitch in and help me before I hit the breaking point.

Motherhood is teaching me to let go of perfection in my home.  I still want a clean and picked up house but a few toys and laundry out are not the end of the world.  I can either drive myself crazy or I can choose to let a few things go.  This is a daily surrender for me and sometimes a surrender multiple times per day.

What I am currently learning about myself:

• Don't clean while my kids are a wake.  This leads to increased frustration on my part and leads me to be very short tempered with them.  
• Spend nap time doing something for me, personally.  Don't use nap time to clean house.  
• Relinquish the idea that my house has to be clean all at once.  This IS NOT POSSIBLE in my current state.  I have to clean what I can and cut myself a little slack that it might take 2-3 days to get it all clean.
• Don't get caught up in snapshots of house perfection on the internet (post coming soon on this one)
• Work with my kids on cleaning up their toys.  They enjoy it but it does take patience and time on my part but in the end will pay off
• Don't wish away my children's childhood longing for the day when they will make less of a mess and be able to clean it up.  I only have them in my house for a short time.  Someday my house will be "perfectly clean and put up again" and my hallways will be silent

31 Days (Day 12) Limited in my ability to carry life. PART 2

Mother's Day 2009 was to be the day that we would share with our families that we were pregnant. When I woke up that morning I did not want to get out of bed and go to church. I did not want to smile and pretend that everything was okay. There was nothing in me that wanted to share this story with anyone. I do remember that day being asked for the first time since our loss..."do you have any children"? I remember feeling paralyzed and guilty as I answered NO to avoid at all cost the truth of our journey with a stranger. 

Matt, in usual Matt fashion, made the day better. He deemed it BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD DAY! He said that it would only be celebrated in our house that day. We had a great lunch a Panera (one of my favorites). He gave me a card that morning that means so much to me I leave it out all of the time on my dresser.

Saturday, May 8, 2009, the day before mother's day this was my journal entry.....

Matt and I have a robin’s nest in one of our bushes outside. Today, while cleaning up our yard, I came across a nest of baby robins. They must have just hatched. They had no feathers and were so tiny. The only way that we knew they were alive was by their tiny chests moving up and down. We now check them daily to make sure that they are growing. We feel as though we have become most attached to them....however the ever present momma robin....reminds us that they are her babies and not ours. We still enjoy peaking in on them everyday!!

May 14, 2009

I think that you can say we are officially OBSESSED with the baby robins. Matt called me today at work to let me know that he captured the shot above. He had been standing in side of the garage (with door shut) and was able to peek through the garage windows to watch the momma feed her babies. Today their eyes are open. They have tons of feathers. And their little mouths are ALWAYS open. I know their momma must be tired!!!!!

God so beautifully reminded me trough the LIFE of these baby robins that HE CARES about each Mother's Heart. For He is the ONE who has given each mother a heart to love their children. These baby robins became a HOPE for me. A HOPE that God was still in the LIFE business and each time I looked at these baby robins I became more and more confident in that He would give LIFE to Matt and me again. 

With so much time spent outside late April early May, I was encouraged by a few people to plant something in memory of our first baby. While at Home Depot one day I selected 2 Gardenia Bushes. The Gardenia smells a lot like the Hawaiian flower, Plumeria. I decided to purchase 2 Gardenias simply for the fact that I did not want one bush to be planted alone. They are planted next to the gate opening of our fence, a perfect balance of sun, water and shade.

I remember the day I planted them longing for our first baby that we would never hold on earth, but joyfully anticipating the day when we will place our next baby beside those Gardenia bushes, take a snapshot, and thank God for how far HE has brought us. 


October 12, 2012

God truly has been limitless in giving LIFE to Matt and me.  For some reason, the Lord required us to give our "first fruit" to Him.  But, in return He blessed us with two children 14 months apart.  Here they are this past summer under the gardenia bushes.

I titled this blog The Teal Egg because God proved to me HIS LIMITLESS POWER through life in a a tiny teal egg.  Every time I see a teal egg, I am reminded of what God brought me through personally and how gracious and gentle He has been with me in proving Himself over and over again to me.



If you or someone you know have suffered the loss of a child, I HIGHLY recommend

I Will Carry You by Angie Smith.

God Enough by Kasey Lowery Ewing

31 Days (Day 11) Limited in my ability to carry life. PART 1.

"When we trust our lives to the hand and pen of an unseen but ever present God. He will write our lives into his story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read. With a grand ending. And not just inspite of those catastrophes but often because of them". (Beth Moore, Esther) 



The next two days entries will be about my limited ability to carry our first child.  The writings are from my personal journal.  God has been FAITHFUL and LIMITLESS in His ability to raise me from devastation and bless me with LIFE.



April 10, 2009, I picked my husband up from his 9 day trip to Peru. I could not wait for us to get home so I could take a pregnancy test. We were both pretty certain that it would be positive and we were filled with excitement. The results immediately showed us a beautiful word PREGNANT! For you see.....I can not do those line tests.....I have to see the word PREGNANT!

We were filled with JOY! Overwhelming JOY!

April 17, 2009, Today I left for Charleston, South Carolina, to visit my sweet friend Melissa and her 3 children. As I turned onto the interstate our phone conversation went something like this, "Did you ever experience spotting during your three pregnancies"? To which she replied, "No, but I hear that it is quite normal." "Don't you think I would know if there was truly something wrong and I was having a miscarriage?" To which she replied, "Yes". "Okay see you in four hours"!

Four hours later, I walked in the door of her home and knew I was having a miscarriage. I was losing the LIFE inside of me. Melissa is my dearest friend from college and we have been through some stuff together. Never in a million years did I dream this story would be part of our friendship. God knew she was EXACTLY who I needed to be with in those moments. She was so good to make multiple calls to the hospital and to their resident OB friends in the area. She was so good to sit with me in the floor of her bathroom as I sat in utter disbelief and confusion. She was so good to LISTEN and to acknowledge that the LIFE that lived within me was truly LIFE!

April 18, 2009, I drove back to Atlanta to be with my precious husband. I remember walking in the door of our house and feeling like such a failure and completely crushed. Matt's strength is my greatest weakness...HIS COMPLETE TRUST in the LORD! Amazing how God knew I needed Matt in my life!

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out it's roots by the stream. It does not fear when heats comes; it's leave are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit". 

Jeremiah 17:7-8

31 Days (Day 10) Limited by title "Pastor's Wife"

When I was 16 years old, a lady in my church told me "You are going to make a wonderful pastor's wife".  I remember looking at her puzzled and thinking, "I never want to be a pastor's wife.  That would require me and my family being at church all of the time."  Her statement ran through my mind for many years and I began to wonder what is it that makes someone a "wonderful pastor's wife?"

I met Matt in the summer of 2004.  He was nice and kind but he was a pastor and I really did not want to go down that route.  It was one of my reasons for pushing him away and not wanting to date him.  I did not want to live my life in a fish bowl.  I was a nurse.  Could a pastor's wife have a secular job?  

A year later, I married Matt and I became a pastor's wife.  Let me say, I had no idea what I was doing.  And, that is not to say that in seven years I have perfected anything.  You marry a pastor but you never take a class on how to "function" as a pastor's wife.  Many times the road is lonely and sometimes other pastor's wives never reach out to you.  A lot of times you feel like you are out on an island of your own.  I can not say this is true for my life currently, but as a "new" pastor's wife that was true for me.

God taught me a lot in those first few years about balance and merging the sacred and the secular.  I was married to a pastor but I was Lyndsey, a pediatric ICU nurse.  I was submerged into a secular culture of medicine that was very different from my husband's sacred profession of being a pastor.  I learned to remain true to who I had always been and I learned to support my husband and work along side of him.  

It was during the darkest hours of Baby J's post op recovery (see Day 6 entry) that God gave me a true glimpse of how HE was merging the sacred and the secular through our marriage.  When I felt least "in control" spiritually, I called Matt, and watched him minister to our friends in a way that I could not.  And while he "spiritually" ministered to our friends I "physically" worked to save their child's life.  That moment was a sweet revelation to my soul.  I saw the Lord take two people and use their talents together for His purpose.  I saw the sacred and the secular collide.  

Things I have learned as a Pastor's Wife:

• Love God First
• Love your husband second
• Always place your family first.  You have no business taking care of the church if you do not care for your family first.
• PRAY!  There is a war that constantly wages around you whether you can see it or not.
• Don't live under the "title" pastor's wife.  Be who you are. Have an identity.  Share your gifts and talents with others.
• Be engaged but know your limits.  There are seasons where you need to sit and be still rather than extend yourself beyond exhaustion and frustration.
• Merge the sacred with the secular.  Don't just stay within the walls of your church or within the walls of your small group.
• Trust people and let them love on you.

Things I would tell people about Pastor's Wives:

• Sometimes we have no idea what we are doing.  Extend some grace to us.
• We are "real" people just like you.  We get angry. We raise our voices. We say things we shouldn't.
• We long for genuine friendships but sometimes have a hard time making those for fear of "why does this person want to be my friend"?
• Sometimes we are exhausted spiritually. Our families are under attack more than you may know.
• PRAY FOR OUR FAMILY
• Our first responsibility is to our family.  We may choose our family over serving to the point of exhaustion.  We can't give to the church if our family is in disarray.  
• Approach us and love on us

As the wife of a pastor, I am daily reminded of my LIMITED ability to live up to the world's standards of a "wonderful pastor's wife".  And if there is anything good that comes out of me as a pastor's wife it is because of God's LIMITLESS ability to extend grace and use me in spite of my shortcomings.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need.  My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me.  Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

        

31 Days (Day 9) Limited by Finances

When we first got married our goal was to live on one of our salaries and save the other.  I think most people have these lofty goals and then married with income and freedom sets in and you continue to add new things or additional things to your life.  That was the case for us, at least.  We bought what we wanted.  We gave a lot.  And we never really thought twice about a budget, just don't bounce our bank accounts. 

For us our income changed when Matt resigned from his previous job, finished up his master's, and worked 20 hours per week consulting with a local church.  During that time, we welcomed our first child into the world and I cut my hours to part time.  I would have NEVER chosen that cycle of events to happen all at the same time but there are many other intricate parts to those turns of events that lead us to knowing that was the path God had for us.

I was very nervous and walked on eggshells for a while but standing on the other side of it, I can see that God blessed that path.  Matt was able to care for Amelia at home on the days that I worked.  We are fortunate that both of our children have been taken care of in their home on the days that we work.  

That season really opened our eyes to how much we have and how little we truly need.  We spent a lot of time evaluating our finances and began the process of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace.  We had long talks about our goals and current status.  Through Financial Peace we learned how to give every dollar a name.  We learned how to create and monthly develop a budget based on our responsibilities and our goals.

It is not always easy to stay on budget and we do not always succeed.  Sometimes reality is a hard to pill to swallow, but what I can tell you is where we once were limited by "where is all of our money going?"  we now live freedom knowing exactly where our money is going.

We have learned that we are LIMITED by finances when we take no control over them but we are LIMITLESS with our finances when we diligently work at them and trust God to bless the work of our hands.  

I can not say that I have experienced the depths that Paul describes in the verses below.  But, I do know that no matter what may come our way financially, I long for these words to be more than just words to our family.

     Philippians 4:11-13

For I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances may be. I know now how to live when things are difficult and I know how to live when things are prosperous. In general and in particular I have learned the secret of eating well or going hungry of facing either plenty or poverty. I am ready for anything through the strength of the One who lives within me.