31 Days (Day6) Limited by Healing

By profession I am a "healer".  I felt called to nursing at the age of 14 on my first ever mission trip to Russia.  I say "called" because nursing is a calling.  And those who are not "called" do not last long.  And, if they do they are usually miserable in their job.

In nine years as a pediatric ICU nurse, I have seen much joy and much sorrow.  Many times I get asked the question, "How do you do pediatrics?"  And for me the answer is easy.  I love taking care of kids.  I love watching parents hold their babies for the first time.  I love watching patients wake up and reach for their mommy or daddy.  I love being a part of a miracle story.  I love watching my old patients come back for a visit.  I love it when God surprises me and turns the projected path around.

My job has evolved over the last nine years.  Today, I find myself in a position where I, along with a team of 8 other individuals, rip children from the jaws of death and place them on a life support machine.  The machine has no magic it simply buys time.  Buys time for the patient to rest and their organs to recover.  Or buys time for us to find out what is going on and treat them medically if possible.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine as a 14 year old on a mission trip to Russia, that all of "this" would be part of my profession. 

God has taught me much about the intricacies of the human body.  He has also taught me much about my LIMITED ability to heal.  He has been gracious to me, in that I have not personally experienced illness in my children.  But, he has allowed it to come all too close to home.

Five years ago, our dear friends, shared with us the news that their second son had been prenatally diagnosed with multiple heart defects.  I will never forget sitting at their kitchen table when they broke the news to us.  I will never forget the dad pulling out diagrams of the defects the cardiologist had drawn out for them.

And when Matt and I got in our car that night, I looked at him and said, "this my worst nightmare coming true".  My friends were innocent.  They were welcoming a second baby boy into the world.  They should never know anything about the world I live in professionally.  For me I knew everything that should go right, but I also have a memory full of all things that could go wrong.

Through this process I wrestled a lot with frustration.  I was nervous.  I was fearful.  I was sad.  I played out all the what if's in my mind.  I envisioned their life with him and without him.  I wanted to guarantee them success but I could not.  I wanted them to ask all of the hard questions and to receive all honest answers.  And, yet all at the same time I wanted to guard their innocence.

Baby J was born and a few days later he made it to our hospital and into the cardiac ICU where I currently worked.  I remember being at work one night and my friend walking into the ICU to visit her son.  I had to think twice about why she was there.  How could these two world have collided?

Baby J had his surgery.  It was a rough first night.  I have never felt so weak at my job.  Helpless fear over took me that night.  When things did not look so good, I picked up the phone and called my husband to come and be with our friends.  He came and he sat with them for what seemed like hours.  Matt was the ROCK that I needed that night when I was torn between the two worlds of professionalism and friendship.

Baby J made it through the night and by the morning, I was completely exhausted.  I collapsed that next morning and realized for the first time in my career that I am LIMITED to heal and GOD is LIMITLESS in His power to heal.  He is the giver of life and He is the taker of life.  And no matter how much knowledge I obtain or how proficient I am at my job HE ultimately decides the outcome.  I am at HIS mercy and I TRUST HIS HAND.  

For my friends, I am thrilled to say that GOD has been LIMITLESS in the healing of their son's body.  When you meet him you would never know what he went through.  His smile is captivating.  His imagination is wild.  And his ENJOYMENT of life is what makes it easy for me to keep "doing pediatrics" 

Baby J days after surgery.

(Photo provided by his mommy)

Baby J today! What a cutie!

(Photo provided by his mommy)

God used Baby J's story in my life in insurmountable ways.  I am a better nurse today because He allowed me to walk that journey so close to home.  I continue to be reminded of my LIMITED ability to heal.  God is gracious to daily remind me of HIS LIMITLESS ability to heal whether it be through life or through death.  I find great comfort and peace knowing that I do not hold the cards.  I am thankful for the LIMITLESS POWER of the ONE who does!  

Here is a link to Mercy Me's song The Hurt and The Healer.  

I hope it blesses you or someone you know today. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxqfDs-64I0