31 Days (Day 10) Limited by title "Pastor's Wife"

When I was 16 years old, a lady in my church told me "You are going to make a wonderful pastor's wife".  I remember looking at her puzzled and thinking, "I never want to be a pastor's wife.  That would require me and my family being at church all of the time."  Her statement ran through my mind for many years and I began to wonder what is it that makes someone a "wonderful pastor's wife?"

I met Matt in the summer of 2004.  He was nice and kind but he was a pastor and I really did not want to go down that route.  It was one of my reasons for pushing him away and not wanting to date him.  I did not want to live my life in a fish bowl.  I was a nurse.  Could a pastor's wife have a secular job?  

A year later, I married Matt and I became a pastor's wife.  Let me say, I had no idea what I was doing.  And, that is not to say that in seven years I have perfected anything.  You marry a pastor but you never take a class on how to "function" as a pastor's wife.  Many times the road is lonely and sometimes other pastor's wives never reach out to you.  A lot of times you feel like you are out on an island of your own.  I can not say this is true for my life currently, but as a "new" pastor's wife that was true for me.

God taught me a lot in those first few years about balance and merging the sacred and the secular.  I was married to a pastor but I was Lyndsey, a pediatric ICU nurse.  I was submerged into a secular culture of medicine that was very different from my husband's sacred profession of being a pastor.  I learned to remain true to who I had always been and I learned to support my husband and work along side of him.  

It was during the darkest hours of Baby J's post op recovery (see Day 6 entry) that God gave me a true glimpse of how HE was merging the sacred and the secular through our marriage.  When I felt least "in control" spiritually, I called Matt, and watched him minister to our friends in a way that I could not.  And while he "spiritually" ministered to our friends I "physically" worked to save their child's life.  That moment was a sweet revelation to my soul.  I saw the Lord take two people and use their talents together for His purpose.  I saw the sacred and the secular collide.  

Things I have learned as a Pastor's Wife:

• Love God First
• Love your husband second
• Always place your family first.  You have no business taking care of the church if you do not care for your family first.
• PRAY!  There is a war that constantly wages around you whether you can see it or not.
• Don't live under the "title" pastor's wife.  Be who you are. Have an identity.  Share your gifts and talents with others.
• Be engaged but know your limits.  There are seasons where you need to sit and be still rather than extend yourself beyond exhaustion and frustration.
• Merge the sacred with the secular.  Don't just stay within the walls of your church or within the walls of your small group.
• Trust people and let them love on you.

Things I would tell people about Pastor's Wives:

• Sometimes we have no idea what we are doing.  Extend some grace to us.
• We are "real" people just like you.  We get angry. We raise our voices. We say things we shouldn't.
• We long for genuine friendships but sometimes have a hard time making those for fear of "why does this person want to be my friend"?
• Sometimes we are exhausted spiritually. Our families are under attack more than you may know.
• PRAY FOR OUR FAMILY
• Our first responsibility is to our family.  We may choose our family over serving to the point of exhaustion.  We can't give to the church if our family is in disarray.  
• Approach us and love on us

As the wife of a pastor, I am daily reminded of my LIMITED ability to live up to the world's standards of a "wonderful pastor's wife".  And if there is anything good that comes out of me as a pastor's wife it is because of God's LIMITLESS ability to extend grace and use me in spite of my shortcomings.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need.  My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me.  Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.