One of my favorite books on parenting is Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman. It is a mom's look at heart oriented discipline. Ginger describes her "challenge" for the day, raising her two children in the ways of the Lord, "It is my calling, my priority, my struggle and my goal."
Don't you just love those four words: CALLING, PRIORITY, STRUGGLE, GOAL? It encompasses just about every emotion that moms feel on a daily basis concerning the raising of their children. There are days that CALLING and STRUGGLE meet head to head in our household. There are days that PRIORITY and GOAL meet. There are many different combination in which these four words could meet concerning the raising your children.
Ginger talks openly and unashamedly about Biblical Discipline. Here are her words, "Biblical discipline involves love, the heart and God's Word. Because God is concerned with the issue of the heart, biblical discipline involves much more than outward behavior. Biblical discipline gets to the heart of the problem. After all, if you can reach the heart, the behavior will take care of itself. In order for us to reach the hearts of our children we must realize that there is far more to parenting than getting our children to act right. We have to get them to think right and to be motivated our of a love of virtue rather than a fear of punishment."
Some days I am extremely limited in my ability to reach the heart of the matter in my children's behavior. Most of the time my limitation is when I am running on fumes or the day between my two work days, when I feel most crunched for time. Satan desires that I feel limited and that I fail miserably. Sometimes discipline of my children just feels like a down right struggle. Can anyone relate?
Luke 6:45 says, "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." "The heart is the control center of life. Behavior is simply what alerts you to your child's need for correction" (Ginger Plowman).
I know God's desire for me is to feel limitless in my ability to reach the heart of the matter in my children's behavior. For when I reach the heart of the matter God is honored. I think honored that I took the time to reach in and direct my child toward ultimate obedience to Christ. Yes, I want Amelia and Cooper to obey, but my greatest goal is that they would obey as a result of wanting to obey Christ, ultimately. Now, I realize that this may take years....because after all, I myself do not always have this concept figured out. And there are times that I fail greatly in my obedience to Christ.
But, the greatest CALLING, PRIORITY, STRUGGLE and GOAL of my life is to point them to Jesus. I can not do this alone. I AM LIMITED but GOD is LIMITLESS in His ability to make up for my failures and reach deep into the heart of the matter in my children's lives.
When we focus on our children's outside behavior and neglect what is on the inside, we will cause our children to become manipulators. They will learn to please us by jumping through the hoop (by acting the way we tell them to act out of a fear of punishment) but they will not learn the righteousness of Christ." (Ginger Plowman).
Ways this physically comes out (because this is much the way that God physically disciplines me)...
- I have to get down eye level with my child
- Find out what made them act out the way they did (anger, frustration.....)
- I have to talk with them and not at them. Give them a chance to speak (this might take some time)
- I have to discuss with them God's viewpoint on all circumstances
- I have to ask questions that focus them off of the circumstances around them and onto their behavior and action
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